November 29, 2021


My name is BO.    I am what is commonly called “the first dog”.    My security detail and handlers call me DOTUS (dog of the United States).    This is my story.    My ancestors are royalty from Portugal.    We belong to the water dog clan.    My family immigrated to bo the first dogthis wonderful country many generations ago.    I have many siblings and they have all been adopted by high class families.   

My parents and the humans that feed us are staunched Democrats.    My litter was called “hope and change”.    It is not unreasonable that I had a fantasy of someday living in the White House.    After all, this is the land of opportunity and it is every dog’s American dream.    

My brother Cappy lives with the Kennedy’s and he barks to me about how well these humans called Democrats live, in spite of their criticizing everyone else that live like them.    This gave me hope that President Obama’s constant talk about the need of wealth being shared and how he would champion the poor and downtrodden was just to get elected.   

I happen to be black and white, so I thought I would fit right in.    My hopes were dashed when I was adopted by another family.    They had another pet, a Shih Tzu.    I never liked him.    Not only because of his bulging eyes, but because he was a racist.    He constantly reminded me that we the pedigreed had to stop the illegal entry of many dogs that claimed that they only were undocumented.    He made me aware of the President’s plan to make them legal.    I am sure that he will adopt an illegal Chihuahua he claimed.   

I started misbehaving and was soon returned to my original home.    Cappy turned out to be accurate.    After much assertion of the benefits of a “shelter” mutt, and public schools, my soon to be human sisters Sasha and Malia were enrolled in an exclusive private institution and I was adopted.    My dream came through.    I never envisioned the life of luxury that I would experience.    I am fortunate indeed; I am told that none of the previous first’s dogs had it so good.   

I was named BO, I think after my human master called B.O.    He likes to be the center of attention.    When I am playing alone and a photo is going to be taken he shows up to be with me.    Otherwise he constantly plays strange games involving a big ball or a little one.    These humans are crazy.    My human mom is nice.    The problem is she is always looking at what I eat and gives me tasteless food and weird treats.    She should leave me alone and get after B.O. who eats all these juicy stuff and cookies.    Malia and Sasha are my buddies.    They play with me, and give me treats when mom is not watching.   

B.O. has a strange life.    When he is not playing he is looking at a piece of glass and reading.    He has the ability to read from that thing in many different forms.    At times, strange but important looking people come to visit.    They are usually taken care of by a terrible female human called Valerie.    She tells my master who to see, and is always telling him what to do.    She hates me, and the feeling is reciprocated.    After much thought I think she is the alpha human.    So nothing is perfect.   

I will finish this story because we are leaving to another vacation.    I have visited most of the human world.    I can’t explain why I am not allowed to travel with them, like every other prior pet.    On the flip side I have my own plane, bodyguards and nanny’s.    I love being a Democrat, and hope that this distribution of wealth continues, as long as it keeps on to making its way to us.

Fernando J Milanes MD