Jessa Duggar Seewald has opened up about her struggles in faith.
The “Counting On” star, 27, took to Instagram on Saturday to discuss her recent religious journey, which included doubting herself.
After growing up in a religious household, Seewald admitted that she struggled in her teens and late 20s with her relationship with God.
“I felt a bit dry in my relationship with the Lord. I didn’t have drive to be in God’s word…I wasn’t praying like I should,” admitted the star, per People. “I could see this goal of where I wanted to be in my relationship with the Lord, and I wasn’t there.”
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Seewald said that she even had “doubts about [her]Â salvation.”
“I felt unsettled, restless and frustrated,” she continued. “I think if Christians were more open about the hard times, I think if Christians were more raw, you might find that more people go through this.”
The reality star said that while she didn’t feel that she was depressed at the time, she retrospectively recognizes that she was.
“If somebody asked if I was depressed, I probably would have said no,” she said. “But I guess you probably could call it a spiritual depression.”
In order to work her way out of her funk, Seewald said she had let go of any unrealistic expectations she had placed on herself.
“We have to account for the fact that there are trials of faith… there are difficulties that we walk through,” said the star.
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Additionally, she shared that her teacher and pastor John Piper told her that “there’s no chapter or verse in the Bible that says we have to read our Bible every day.”
“I feel like I had a burdened down conscience with an unspiritual expectation,” she continued. “Yes, we should prioritize time in the word, but I had taken it a step too far, and I was hinging whether or not I was a good Christian on if I had good quiet time [with God].”
She also has taken comfort in Martyn Lloyd-Jones’Â book “Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure.”
“I didn’t have gospel rest. I wasn’t resting in my justification. I wasn’t resting in what Christ did for me,” Seewald recalled. “For a Christian to rest in their justification, the fact that they are saved, Christ lived the perfect life that I could never live.”
The former “19 Kids and Counting” star said that she’s feeling better these days, but that there’s “still got a long way to go.”
“Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, so that is our justification and we can rest in that,” she said, explaining she was able to “release” her soul of “so many burdens I had placed myself under, and helped me to look to Christ.”
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“We’re in this journey until we die, and then in an instant, we are changed into the likeness of Christ,” Seewald added. “In this life though, we experience hardships, and yet we keep running after Christ and Christ holds us fast. I hope this is an encouragement to you, and I pray you will rest in Christ and his work of righteousness on your behalf.”
