Dating in the pandemic is… weird, to put it mildly. With IRL dates pretty much off the table during quarantine, more and more of us have been relying solely on dating apps like Tinder and Hinge for conversation and companionship. But even that comes with its own challenges.
According to a recent study, half of American singles aren’t looking for a relationship or even a date right now, and aren’t “on the market.” Which in one way is kind of encouraging for those of us who are on The Apps, as the people we’re messaging are open to making a connection. It also means that the dating app ecosystem in general is more competitive.
Making a good first impression by crafting the perfect opening line could be the thing that helps you stand out from all the other guys who are blanket-bombing women’s Tinder profiles with emojis or “‘sup.”
“Open with a line that shows them that youâve taken the time to look through their profile,” says sexologist and We-Vibe sex expert, Dr. Jess OâReilly, PhD. “Try to demonstrate that youâre not just copying and pasting a generic Hi. I think youâre cute. Wanna chat? message. For example, if they say theyâre into hiking and theyâve posted a few mountaintop pics, ask them about this specific interest. Hey! Love your hiking pics. Is that Valley of Fire? Iâve always wanted to visit. Anyhow, let me know if youâre up for chatting today? That last part leaves it open for them to consent. Rather than assuming that youâre entitled to their time, ask if theyâre in the mood. If they say theyâre busy, ask if they want to continue the conversation and if they donât, move along.”
Gigi Engle, certified sexologist and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life, believes that the best way to get someone interested is to “either be goofy or really thoughtful,” and much like O’Reilly, recommends paying attention to somebody’s profile in order to be more specific in your opening gambit. She adds that composing an original, attention-grabbing message is also worthwhile even if you’re looking for something a little more casual.
“In the event that you’re kind of mass-messaging hotties, which let’s face it, we’ve all done, I think asking a really unusual question can really spark someone’s interest and also immediately weeds out anyone who isn’t clever or doesn’t have a sense of humor,” she says. “For instance: If you had to choose a favorite berry, which berry would you choose? or What is one secret-single thing you do when no one is around. I’ll go first: I watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine reruns and look at puppy memes. Go!“
So there’s your advice from the professionals. Show that you’ve been paying attention and that you’re curious to learn more, without coming across as demanding and entitled, or alternatively, cut loose and just have fun with your messages (which does not mean unsolicited sexual remarks).
Still in need of some inspiration? Some women shared the best messages they ever received on dating apps. It bears repeating that context is everything, but who knows. Maybe one of these will work for you too.
âThe best opening like I’ve ever heard was: ‘Iâm bad at this, so Iâm going to buck the Tinder trend and let you make the first move, if thatâs okay.’â âAnn, 29.
âI once had a guy first message me first with, âCorny pick-up line, gif, or being asked out?â It was clear he was referencing his opening line, but being the obnoxious person I am, I replied, âAll of them.â He then did all of them. He sent me a cute gif, came up with a corny pick-up line, and asked if I wanted to grab drinks next Friday. I liked the fact [that] he was able to come up with all three, but also, in asking how he should start the convo, it acknowledges the fact that opening lines are weird for both the girl and the guy.â âHayley 29.
âI always like when men begin with two questions. Not just any questionsâquestions specific to my profile. I like when they show theyâve looked past my pictures and are taking an interest in the things I have said. I prefer two questions because if I donât want to answer one, I have a second option.â âBrooke, 30
âIn college when I was on Tinder, I had in my bio that I was a philosophy major. This one guy managed to make puns using Plato, Kant, Descartes, and Spinoza in his opening line. I really appreciated the effort.â âRose, 24
âThe most important part, for me, is that a guy opts for my profile over my pictures. Yes, we all put up pictures that make us look attractive, but hopefully youâre looking to actually talk to me, as well. Any attempt at personalization is awesome. Steer clear of the pet names.â âLauren, 28
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âMy favorite opening line probably has to be a compliment. Not a sexual one, but one that shows I caught their attention in some way. Yes, it can be about my pictures and appearance, but nothing derogatory or implying that Iâm getting naked for you.â âSally, 32
âOne guy told me an entire story about our potential first date using only emojis. On the one hand, it showed he had a lot of time on his hand, but on the other it made me smile and showed he was creative and had a sense of humor.â âGabby, 30
âI like keeping it light, but also practical. Ask me something random, like âHawaiian or pepperoni?â And then buy me pizza.â âSusan, 31
âTinder is a hellscape most of the time. I donât want to see the word ‘hey.’ I want to see that youâve read what I wrote in my bio and are present enough to ask me about it. It makes you stand out from the crowd. We ladies get plenty of weird pick up lines from random dudes. It may seem like a low bar, but paying attention to detail goes a really long way. If sheâs hiking with her best friend in one of her photos, tell her how fun the hike looked. Ask if she goes hiking often. It will help you in the long run.â âJasmine, 29
âI respond to guys who are sincerely nice, not meaning ones who refer to themselves as nice. Thatâs a huge red flag. I like a guy who tells me details about his life and passions right away. Showing youâre not scared to open up about things in your life shows that youâre not a huge tool bag, but someone worth getting to know. Just remember, tell the truth. We always know when youâre lying!â âGabby, 27
“They messaged me, ‘Remind me to never challenge you to an arm wrestling contest, Muscles.’ It was the perfect mix of complimentary and flirty. I also about died when they called me Muscles.â âGabrielle, 26
“He accurately guessed the tattoo artist who gave me the flower tattoo on my arm.”
“A guy messaged me, ‘Would it be romantic if I wore a turban that matches your hair if we go out?” I honestly thought that was so cute. My hair is bright green, for context.” âLo, 25.
“He said, ‘You have one of those smiles that make me smile just looking at you. Thank you for brightening up my day.'” âCharolette, 33
“He accurately guessed the tattoo artist who gave me the flower tattoo on my arm. I was in shock.” âAlyson, 24
“The guy I’m dating now didn’t really say anything exceptional. He asked what I was readingâit says I’m a bibliophile in my bioâand he happened to have read the book already. So we spoke about that!” âEmma, 28
Gigi Engle
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator.
Philip Ellis
Philip Ellis is a freelance writer and journalist from the United Kingdom covering pop culture, relationships and LGBTQ+ issues.
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